• About Dateworking

    In 2011, I was running a dating consultancy and a recruiting company at the same time. I coined the phrase Dateworking to reflect the nonstop overlaps I found between modern dating and professional networking:

    Job portals, meet dating apps.
    Resumes, meet dating profiles.
    Cover letters, meet love letters.

    Interviews, meet first dates.

    Employment contracts, meet marriage contracts.

     

    Things really changed when I began developing the principles behind Dateworking and applying them to my own dating life.

    These principles and habits left me and my friends receiving so many warm personal referrals to new friends, lovers, and business connections that we opted to start hosting events and building entire communities so all our friends could meet one another, too.

  • Hone Your Dating and Networking Habits.
    Make Them Antifragile.

    Antifragile habits become stronger and more dynamic in the face of adversity.

    In Networking...

    Someone who doesn't respond to your email may have a lot more going on. Your data set is limited. Don't presume to know their life.

    Others have limitless potential to help us. Embrace this, and do the same. The same hiring manager who cant hire you at this company could be the first one to call you up for an interview at their next company.

    Treat your relationships like startups. Be creative. Realistically assess the market, Be upfront about your limitations, Be ready to pivot when needed. Be radically optimistic. Enthusiasm is infectious.

    Don't pressure for things you don't know the other person wants. A friendship lasts forever and pays dividends over time. A burned bridge gets you nowhere.

    In Dating...

    Someone who doesn't respond to your dating message may have a ton of messages already. Don't presume to know their life.

    Our friends, exes, and even current dates have limitless potential to help us. Embrace this, and do the same. The same person who isn't ready to date you right now could enthusiastically refer you to their awesome friend a week later.

    Treat your relationships like startups. Be creative. Realistically assess the market, Be upfront about your limitations, Be ready to pivot when needed. Be radically optimistic. Enthusiasm is infectious.

    Don't pressure for things you don't know the other person wants. A friendship lasts forever and pays dividends over time. A burned bridge gets you nowhere.

    Whether in dating, networking, or Dateworking, always strive to build networks of deep integrity, where referrals abound and people feel actively empowered by standing in your presence.

    Make it your daily habit to treat everyone and everything with the same degree of earnest pride and care that this man extends to his onion.

  • How to Build a Relationship Network

    Here's a brief glimpse into the methods I've been honing since 2011.

    1

    Reflect

    Identify the habits, skills, and qualities you want to develop, and the places and spaces where you want to learn them.

    2

    Connect

    Identify the key communities & leaders with and for whom you could lead the process of learning those skills.

    3

    Share

    Pursue your curiosity ferociously. Write or share publicly about what you learn. Invite others to join you in the process.

    4

    Experiment

    Cultivate intimate, judgment-free spaces for shared intimacy and collaborative learning.

    5

    (co-)host

    Welcome others with a spirit of omotenashi, making them feel so much gratitude and respect that they'll feel confident referring you to anyone they know.

    6

    Introspect

    Identify the key components of dating, sexuality, and romance that you're most excited to explore.

    7

    Communicate

    Tell others how to refer their friends and acquaintances to you to build and express those shared desires together.

    8

    Refer

    Practice the change you want to see. Make these referrals for your friends. Use and champion the lexicon you want to see your friends using for you.

  • Make dating work for you.

    Message me with any questions you've got.

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