About Dateworking
In 2011, I was running a dating consultancy and a recruiting company at the same time. I coined the phrase Dateworking to reflect the nonstop overlaps I found between modern dating and professional networking:
Job portals, meet dating apps.
Resumes, meet dating profiles.
Cover letters, meet love letters.
Interviews, meet first dates.
Employment contracts, meet marriage contracts.
Things really changed when I began developing the principles behind Dateworking and applying them to my own dating life.
These principles and habits left me and my friends receiving so many warm personal referrals to new friends, lovers, and business connections that we opted to start hosting events and building entire communities so all our friends could meet one another, too.
Start Building Your Own Relationship Networks
I will teach you to build networks that will serve you (and your friends) throughout life.
Antifragile habits become stronger and more dynamic in the face of adversity.
In Networking...
Someone who doesn't respond to your email may have a lot more going on. Your data set is limited. Don't presume to know their life.
Others have limitless potential to help us. Embrace this, and do the same. The same hiring manager who can't hire you at this company could be the first one to call you up for an interview at their next company.
Treat your relationships like startups. Be creative. Realistically assess the market, Be upfront about your limitations, Be ready to pivot when needed. Be radically optimistic. Enthusiasm is infectious.
Don't pressure for things you don't know the other person wants. A friendship lasts forever and pays dividends over time. A burned bridge gets you nowhere.
In Dating...
Someone who doesn't respond to your dating message may have a ton of messages already. Don't presume to know their life.
Our friends, exes, and even current dates have limitless potential to help us. Embrace this, and do the same. The same person who isn't ready to date you right now could enthusiastically refer you to their awesome friend a month from now.
Treat your relationships like startups. Be creative. Realistically assess the market, Be upfront about your limitations, Be ready to pivot when needed. Be radically optimistic. Enthusiasm is infectious.
Don't pressure for things you don't know the other person wants. A friendship lasts forever and pays dividends over time. A burned bridge gets you nowhere.
Whether in dating, networking, or Dateworking, always strive to build networks of deep integrity, where referrals abound and people feel actively empowered by standing in your presence.
Make it your daily habit to treat everyone and everything with the same degree of earnest pride and care that this man extends to his onion.
Reflect
Identify the habits, skills, and qualities you want to develop, and the places and spaces where you want to learn them.
Connect
Identify the key communities & leaders with and for whom you could lead the process of learning those skills.
Share
Pursue your curiosity ferociously. Write or share publicly about what you learn. Invite others to join you in the process.
Experiment
Cultivate intimate, judgment-free spaces for shared intimacy and collaborative learning.
(Co)Host
Welcome others with a spirit of omotenashi, making them feel so much gratitude and respect that they'll feel confident referring you to anyone they know.
Introspect
Identify the key components of dating, sexuality, and romance that you're most excited to explore.
Communicate
Tell others how to refer their friends and acquaintances to you to build and express those shared desires together.
Refer
Practice the change you want to see. Make these referrals for your friends. Use and champion the lexicon you want to see your friends using for you.
Make dating work for you.
After 10 years of straddling the worlds of dating and professional networking/recruiting, I've found the two virtually indistinguishable.
Here's why Dating and Networking can be one and the same.
Build skills simultaneously in both areas by practicing these antifragile habits.
In Networking...
Someone who doesn't respond to your email may have a lot more going on. Your data set is limited.
In Dating...
Someone who doesn't respond to your dating message may have a ton of messages already and only logs into the app once a week. Don't presume to know their life.
In Networking...
Others have limitless potential to help us. Embrace this, and do the same. The same hiring manager who cant hire you at this company could be the first one to call you up for an interview at their next company.
In Dating...
Our friends, exes, and even current dates have limitless potential to help us. Embrace this, and do the same. The same suitor who isn't looking to build something with you right now could be the first one to reach out to you when their best friend newly re-enters the dating market.
In Networking...
Treat your relationships like startups. Be creative. Realistically assess the market, Be upfront about your limitations, Be ready to pivot when needed. Be radically optimistic. Enthusiasm is infectious.
In Dating...
Treat your relationships like startups. Be creative. Realistically assess the market, Be upfront about your limitations, Be ready to pivot when needed. Be radically optimistic. Enthusiasm is infectious.
In Networking...
Don't pressure for things you don't know the other person wants. A friendship lasts forever and pays dividends over time. A burned bridge gets you nowhere.
In Dating...
Don't pressure for things you don't know the other person wants. A friendship lasts forever and pays dividends over time. A burned bridge gets you nowhere.
New romantic partner(s)
My personal best time to find this thing:
6 seconds
Plot of land to build a tiny home
My personal best time to find this thing:
1.5 minutes
New C-level executive
My personal best time to find this thing:
45 seconds
New friend in a new city
My personal best time to find this thing:
1 minute
Fife-toting satyr to officiate a wedding
My personal best time to find this thing:
7 minutes
100-member fellowship program to launch a virtual reality experience center
My personal best time to find this thing:
30 days
Fully-designed personal website for a passion project
My personal best time to find this thing:
1 hour
"Steve, what makes you special isn't your 'what' or your 'why' — it's your 'how.
~ Jessica R.
Copyright 2023 Dateworking